


in another world, I think I'd miss you if we never met

by neutral (papered), papered



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-06-18
Updated: 2011-06-17
Packaged: 2017-10-20 12:34:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/212821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papered/pseuds/neutral, https://archiveofourown.org/users/papered/pseuds/papered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, Zhou Mi wakes up in a world where he was never part of Super Junior M.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Even if I now saw you  
Only once,  
I would long for you  
Through worlds,  
Worlds._  
\- Izumi Shikibu

 

Zhou Mi leaned against the locked bathroom door and looked down at his hands. They were shaking slightly despite all efforts to calm himself. Taking a deep breath, he folded his hands behind his back, pressing his weight onto them in an attempt to stop the trembling.

It didn’t work.

Shooting forward suddenly, he turned on the sink, grasping at the handles with too much force as the water sprayed out. The splash of cool water was welcome relief against his face, but did little to calm his nerves.

Looking up at his reflection in the mirror, Zhou Mi noted the too-pale face. If he went out now, there was no way he could fool anyone into thinking he was fine.

 _Why did it have to turn out like this?_

Zhou Mi had always known that he preferred men to women – he’d come to terms with that fact a long time ago. He’d kept his mouth tightly zipped on the matter though, even with the other members, letting himself be pulled into their talk of future girlfriends and getting married one day. After all, Zhou Mi knew most of them were heavily religious even if only Siwon made it obvious – and as much as he wished he could be certain they would accept him, the truth was that he didn’t know what their reaction would be. And that wasn’t even taking into account his career. After all, who’d ever heard of a gay boyband member?

Oh, they put on quite the act before the fans – but everyone _knew_ that it was an act, fangirls included. This was Asia: fanservice was accepted. Being gay was not. Zhou Mi had come to terms with all this and the fact that he would never be able to pursue an open relationship with anyone. He’d never considered it a great loss anyway, considering how busy idols were. If nothing else, Zhou Mi was stubborn, and he was determined to keep that part of his life out of everything.

And it had worked – for a time, at least.

He’d dismissed any lingering thoughts he might have had towards Kyuhyun at first. After all, it was easily explainable by their living situation – everyone saw everyone else practically twenty-four seven, it was inevitable that people got close. Kyuhyun especially, had filled the role of best-friend, always around to make snappy comments, and Zhou Mi had disregarded the way Kyuhyun’s laughter had always made him feel a little too warm, a little too happy. That was how best friends were supposed to make you feel, right?

Until tonight.

There had been nothing out of the blue, really. Indeed, the only unusual part was the fact that it had been a rare evening without any schedules. All it had taken was Kyuhyun’s half-lidded gaze over dinner, the curve of his lips as he slung an arm over Zhou Mi’s shoulder and reached out for the soy sauce bottle with his other hand; the slow sensation of heat pooling low in his stomach for the realization to hit.

Desire was hardly something that could be explained away by friendship. The conclusion was plain and obvious.

He was gay. And he wanted Kyuhyun.

Zhou Mi had quickly made his excuses, pushing his chair back with a jarring scrape before he’d headed in the direction of the washroom, trying but probably failing to walk at a normal pace.

And here he was now. Three minutes later, the initial panic not entirely going away.

There was a knock against the door, two staccatos that had Zhou Mi jumping up and nearly banging his head against the mirror.

“Zhou Mi? Are you okay?” Kyuhyun’s voice filtered through the wood, and Zhou Mi heard the door knob jiggling as the younger man tested the lock. “Why did you lock the door? Zhou Mi?”

“I’m fine,” Zhou Mi managed weakly, trying to sound semi-normal – and then added a “I think our lunch didn’t agree with me or something” upon realizing that he wasn’t going to get away with just that. “Don’t worry about it – go back to dinner. I’ll be out in a bit.”

There was long pause, and Zhou Mi prayed that Kyuhyun would let it go. With seven boys living in the same place, they’d agreed from the beginning to never lock the bathroom doors – it was inevitable that someone would need to use the washroom while someone else was in the shower. In hindsight, Zhou Mi should have realized that just by using the lock, he would be raising alarm bells. But then again, if Kyuhyun had walked in just now, all he would have to do is take one look at Zhou Mi’s face to know that something was wrong. Zhou Mi couldn’t deal with anyone right now.

“Alright,” came the reply, finally. “But come out soon, okay? I’ll ask Ryeowook to make something for you.”

“Thanks,” Zhou Mi replied, swallowing a sigh of relief as he heard fading footsteps.

God, what was he going to do? He’d been so certain he could keep everything under wraps – but he hadn’t taken into account falling in love with a bandmate, someone he had to interact with twenty-four hours a day, every day of the week. He could imagine Kyuhyun’s reaction already if the younger man ever found out – the disgust he would aim Zhou Mi’s way.

And Zhou Mi couldn’t blame him. God, never mind Zhou Mi’s career – Super Junior M would be shattered if the media ever got wind of this. He could singlehandedly ruin everything he and the rest of the members had worked for in China, and he had no doubt the criticism wouldn’t just end at the subgroup – it would spread to Super Junior too.

Zhou Mi thought of Han Geng – who'd been so proud to be able to lead a subgroup in his beloved home country - and Henry - just at the start of his career and always looking up to Zhou Mi – and felt sick to his stomach.

There were no other options. Zhou Mi had to forget about this – this _lunancy_ his brain had managed to hatch up – or, failing that, never let a single person suspect what was going on inside his head.

It was easier said than done, he knew, considering how much time he ended up spending with Kyuhyun during Super Junior M’s active periods. Zhou Mi was no actor, but he had to do this. There was no way around it.

Maybe he could make up a reason, he thought. Pretend he was in love with some girl that he couldn’t date because of his career. It would attract their attention, true, but it would also let Zhou Mi spend any free time he had moping in bed so that he could get away from the other members. The less interaction, the better chance he had.

 

Mind made up, he turned on the tap again, this time using warm water and a towel to dry his face afterwards. Flushing the toilet once, and checking the mirror once more – he still looked paler than normal, but he could probably explain that away with his earlier upset-stomach excuse – he unlocked the door and walked back down the hall into the living room.

His resolve nearly wavered again as he came face to face with Kyuhyun, the younger man having apparently been on the way to check on him again, but gave himself a mental kick just in time to force out a strained smile.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to worry anyone,” Zhou Mi said, his half-hearted laugh sounding a little off even to his own ears. Kyuhyun gave him an odd look, while Han Geng tilted his head in question. Zhou Mi turned his eyes to Ryeowook instead, avoiding both their gazes. “To be honest, I’m not feeling too well – I think I’m going to turn in early.”

“Do you want me to bring up soup or something later?” Ryeowook asked, looking worried. “You’re barely halfway through your food.”

“No, I’m fine,” Zhou Mi replied a little too quickly, and backtracked upon seeing more raised eyebrows. If he was screwing up this badly already, how was he going to keep this up? “It’s okay, really – I just need sleep, I think. I’ll be good as new tomorrow.”

Giving one last smile, he turned back down the hall, breaking into a run when he was out of sight and carefully closing the door of the room he and Donghae shared so that it didn’t slam. Throwing himself face-first onto his bed, Zhou Mi sighed.

He had to be more careful, and not pull away too fast. Not if he didn’t want everyone suspicious. His behavior tonight had attracted attention already, he knew – Zhou Mi was usually the type to pretend he wasn’t sick even when he was. To do the opposite would be out of character, he’d known, but Zhou Mi was weak; he needed some time to himself, if only just for tonight. Tomorrow, he could start over.

Burying his face into his pillow and pulling the covers over his head, Zhou Mi kicked off his slippers and tried to disappear into the blankets. He didn’t bother changing out of his clothing.

 

When Donghae came in a few hours later, Zhou Mi was still wide awake, mentally drained and yet mind too busy to actually fall asleep. He stayed still though, facing the wall as he waited for Donghae to climb into bed. It wasn’t until he heard the steady rise and fall of the other’s breath that he let himself relax again.

Needless to say, he didn’t get a lot of sleep that night.

 

A few weeks passed without any notable incidents. All things considered, Zhou Mi thought his initial not-thought-out-at-all plan went fairly decently. Putting his whole unrequited-love scheme into action had caused a few raised eyebrows at first, but it wasn’t hard being convincing when it was all _true_ \- just not directed at a girl, like Zhou Mi led everyone to believe.

He still felt the slightest twinges of guilt, knowing that he was deceiving them on purpose, but anything was better than the truth being found out – and his course of action had the added bonus of giving Zhou Mi free reign to mope. It didn’t change the fact that at the end of day, he was kind of miserable, but Zhou Mi wasn’t sure how well he would’ve managed pretending to be completely fine.

He was sure that everything was helped along by their crazily hectic schedule, and the fact that by the end of the day, everyone was usually too tired to seriously talk to him. Han Geng _had_ wearily told him that he would always be around if Zhou Mi ever wanted to talk, while a surprisingly perceptive Donghae had shot him concerned looks – it made sense that it was Donghae, Zhou Mi supposed; they did share a room after all – but otherwise, the members more or less let him be, choosing to take the give-him-time route.

Overall, he was grateful for everyone's non-interference. Zhou Mi knew that he wasn't that great of an actor, and knowing him, the whole story would have fallen apart under questioning.

 

The non-interference lasted just long enough for Zhou Mi to feel like things would be okay. Which meant that when Kyuhyun ambushed him during one of their pre-interview breaks one day and demanded to know what was going on, Zhou Mi had no idea how to answer.

Any claims of having no idea what Kyuhyun was talking about just had the younger man rolling his eyes. “You’ve been avoiding me for the last two weeks, and I want to know why.” Seeing Zhou Mi open his mouth, he continued. “I’m not stupid, hyung. You can tell me if I’ve done something to piss you off.”

Clearly, he’d been less subtle than he’d hoped in his mission.

He was spared from answering, however, by Donghae running into the room and telling them that the interview would starting in five minutes. Zhou Mi quickly agreed that they should get moving, avoiding Kyuhyun's gaze the whole time and internally praising Donghae's spectacular sense of timing.

 

As far as interview went, things were fairly standard. The questions were slightly different, having come from fans all over the country and gathered by the tv station earlier, but they were ones that could be answered with standard responses. In hindsight, Zhou Mi realized that they’d lulled him into a false sense of security. It took him completely by surprise when the MC turned to them, a glint in her eyes. “A popular question we received earlier was: if you were a girl and could marry any other member of the group, who would you choose? This is for you, Kyuhyun.”

“Zhou Mi,” Kyuhyun replied immediately without pausing to consider, and no one needed a translator for this one. Zhou Mi’s heart skipped a beat, his gaze jumping to Kyuhyun immediately despite his efforts not to, but the younger man was looking out into the crowds and laughing as the fans started collectively screaming.

The MC made the obvious comment. “Our Kyuhyun seems very certain. Tell us, Kyuhyun - why did you choose Zhou Mi?”

Zhou Mi held his breath without realizing it, not knowing what to expect – or even why he was feeling anxious, considering the response would likely be a standard practiced answer. To his surprise though, Kyuhyun didn’t even hesitate. “Because he smiles a lot,” the younger man said, as if that was all the explanation needed – and the screaming got even louder, if possible, when his answer was understood.

The MC smiled again, the kind of smile they’d all gotten used to over the years, before moving on to asks Henry about his taste in North American music. Zhou Mi barely heard his response. His gaze stayed on Kyuhyun for the rest of the interview, and he didn’t know whether to be glad or disappointed that the younger man didn’t look at him even once during that time.

 

As soon as they got back to the dorms, Zhou Mi escaped to his bedroom, claiming to have caught the stomach flu. He thought he’d gotten away with his excuse, considering there hadn’t been too many suspicious looks aimed his way (concerned, yes, but not suspicious), except there was a knock on his door fifteen minutes later.

“Zhou Mi?” Han Geng’s voice filtered through the thick wood. “I’m coming in, okay?”

The door clicked open before Zhou Mi could reply, and before he knew it, there were approaching footsteps and a weight settling onto the side of his bed.

“Just so you know. I don’t believe a word of that girl-you-can’t-date story.”

That was pretty much the last thing Zhou Mi had been expecting. “What?” he asked, pulling the covers off his face in a flash. “How did you know that was a story?”

“Your reaction, for one.” Han Geng gave a small laugh at his aghast expression. “Come on, I’m not blind, Zhou Mi. It’s been months since Super Junior M’s been back, and we’ve been so busy that I know you’ve haven’t had a chance to meet anyone new. You haven’t even _seen_ any of your female friends and I’m pretty sure you haven’t fallen in love with a fangirl.”

Zhou Mi moved to pull the covers back over his head, but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on,” Han Geng continued.

“It’s nothing,” Zhou Mi said instinctively, and then knowing that that wasn’t going to be enough, gave a weak smile. “Just a bit of a headache, I’ll be fine.”

“You used that excuse already last week,” Han Geng said without even pausing.

Zhou Mi opted to stay silent, having nothing intelligent to say to that.

Hearing no response, Han Geng sighed.“Alright. Just get some rest, alright?” He stood up to leave. “I’ll get Kyuhyun to bring in some food later.”

“Wait!” Zhou Mi jumped up, knowing the instant he was on his feet and saw the curious glint in Han Geng’s eyes that he really shouldn’t have done that. “I mean. It’s alright, you don’t need to bother Kyuhyun. I’m really not hungry.”

His stomach chose that moment to grumble loudly.

“Of course not,” Han Geng said dryly. And then he sighed, shaking his head. “Alright, never mind. I’ll bring the food in later, alright?”

Zhou Mi nodded in agreement this time – after all, there was no reason to refuse as long as it wasn’t Kyuhyun – and realized immediately from the glint in the other man’s eyes that Han Geng must have figured out his reasoning too. “Wait,” he said, trying to keep his voice even. “I- I just don’t want to bother Kyuhyun, that’s all.”

“Don’t worry, I get it,” Han Geng said, looking almost amused. “Get some rest, okay?”

Zhou Mi nodded, still not entirely reassured that he hadn’t somehow given everything away just now but not knowing what he could do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Love stories are hard to tell, especially forbidden ones. Often, time seems irrelevant, and your days become defined not by the ticks of the second hand but by the moments with_ him _that stand out in your memory. His smiles and actions become your signpost, snapshots that mark the passage of time, and all of the in-betweens become hazy and irrelevant._

 

1.

Zhou Mi was trying to wrap up at least one of the seemingly endless number of songs he’d started but never finished when he heard of the door to the workroom opening. He knew without looking up who it had to be – no one else would be insane enough to stay up this late, not when they had schedules starting from the crack of dawn tomorrow.

“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun yawned, then pulled a chair over so that he could sit next to Zhou Mi.

Zhou Mi fought back a smile. “Writing,” he said simply. “Are you done your video game?”

A nod. “I’m tired,” Kyuhyun said, eyes almost-swollen from staring at his laptop screen for too long.

“Go to sleep.”

“Don’t want to.” Kyuhyun leaned over to look at what Zhou Mi was scribbling down, their shoulders brushing. Zhou Mi tensed as he realized that Kyuhyun’s face was suddenly right beside his.

Apparently, Kyuhyun noticed – far too perceptive for someone half-asleep, Zhou Mi thought – because the younger man gave him a confused look. “What’s wrong?”

Zhou Mi shook his head. “Nothing.” He read out two variations of the lyrics he’d just written down. “Hey, which sounds better?”

“The second one,” Kyuhyun replied without hesitating, then shook his head, lips curling into a lazy smile. “I don’t know why you always ask me though – it’s not like I understand any of the Chinese you’re writing down.”

Zhou Mi shrugged, choosing not to reply. His throat was strangely dry.

Kyuhyun went silent after that, just watching him as Zhou Mi tried to go back to writing. He found that it took him longer than usual to focus though, his mind wandering more than it usually did.

 

Upon noticing fifteen minutes later that the room had gone quiet, he glanced at the figure next to him and realized that Kyuhyun had nodded off. Like the rest of them, the other man had perfected the art of sleeping in a chair – the inevitable result of trying to make up for missing hours of rest in any place possible. Kyuhyun's body was slightly curled up, his face lowered and relaxed. To Zhou Mi, he looked strangely vulnerable.

Not wanting to wake him up, Zhou Mi quietly went to grab the jacket hanging in the closet. As he laid it over Kyuhyun, the other man shifted in his sleep. He mumbled something under his breath, and Zhou Mi froze, waiting to see if he would wake up. The light of Zhou Mi’s lamp cast soft shadows across Kyuhyun's face, deepening the dark circles under his eyes that were normally hidden away by makeup.

His eyelashes were impossibly long, and Zhou Mi was close enough to count each individual one.

This abrupt realization propelled him back into reality. Pulling himself upright so fast that his head spun, he swallowed hard before escaping out of the room and into the washroom. The latter seemed to have become his sanctuary lately, he thought wryly.

The splash of cold water on his skin woke him up a little, but did nothing to distract his mind.

He tried to dispel any thoughts of the other man, but the more Zhou Mi tried, the more he failed, until all he could think of was _Kyuhyun Kyuhyun Kyuhyun_. The warmth in his eyes as they exchanged inside jokes, the familiar sweep of his brows, and the sound of his ringing laughter (the ones he never hid, not from Zhou Mi).

Zhou Mi laughed dryly and buried his face into his hands. He really _was_ going to ruin them all.

 

 

2.

“Look, eleven minutes past eleven,” Ryeowook said, pointing to the clock, and indeed it was.

“Quick, make a wish,” Zhou Mi told Kyuhyun, and grinned at the disgruntled look the other man gave him.

“You know I don’t believe any of that, hyung. Why don’t you make one then?”

“I already did,” Zhou Mi replied – and really, he had. In the split second after Ryeowook had spoken, his mind had already jumped to the one thing he wanted more than anything else, the one thing he couldn’t have.

Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing him. “Oh really? What did you wish for then?”

There was a small pause.

Zhou Mi shook his head, letting his lips curve up. “What’s the fun if I told you, Kui Xian? Besides, aren’t wishes supposed to be kept secret?”

Kyuhyun exhaled loudly. “You are _such_ a girl,” he declared.

Zhou Mi laughed quietly, but Kyuhyun didn’t hear, having already gone off to check if there was any more takeout left in the fridge. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t though – because anyone would have been able to hear the forced quality of that laugh.

 _Don’t you know? It’s you. I wished for you._

 

 

3.

Heechul came to visit.

Zhou Mi had no idea how he managed, considering how busy they all were and how crazy Heechul's schedule must have been - but Heechul managed, alright. He brought with him his cackling laughter and much more luggage than what should’ve been necessary for his less-than-a-week-long stay. Walking through the doors, he promptly dumped his large suitcase into Zhou Mi’s arms before demanding that Han Geng make him fried rice. Han Geng laughed, calling him unreasonable even as he went to grab the eggs from the fridge, while Siwon quickly took the suitcase from Zhou Mi’s tiring arms and brought them upstairs to the room Han Geng and Heechul were sharing.

Somehow, the dorm itself seemed to have more energy with Heechul around, although Zhou Mi wasn’t sure how that was actually possible. The redhead flounced around the rooms in his free time, entertaining himself with Zhou Mi’s laptop and the tv when Super Junior M were out for schedules and the members themselves when everyone was back.

The night before Heechul had to get back to Korea happened to be a rare night without activities for everyone. Zhou Mi had a sneaking suspicion that Han Geng had somehow worked something out with the manager to make sure their schedule would be empty, but he didn’t voice his thoughts out loud. Instead, he found himself curled up on the floor, leaning against the side of the (very full) couch and watching Kyuhyun and Heechul doing their long-awaited video game battle.

Kyuhyun was resting on his stomach, his legs kicked up comfortably in the air behind him as he faced the tv screen, control clutched between his hands. His brows were furrowed in concentration, the muscles around his lips tense as he set about attempting to decapitate the little green monsters running around on screen.

“Yes!” Kyuhyun cheered unexpectedly, startling Zhou Mi, who abruptly realized that he’d been staring. Quickly averting his eyes and turning to Heechul, he noticed with a sudden sense of dread that Heechul wasn’t bemoaning losing the round – or even looking at the screen, for that matter. He was watching _Zhou Mi_ instead, a curious look in his eyes before he paused, looked at Kyuhyun, and then turned back to Zhou Mi.

Heart lurching, Zhou Mi avoided Heechul’s gaze. _Calm down,_ he told himself. No matter how sharp Heechul was, he wasn't _psychic_ \- there was no way he could know. Regardless, his heart continued to pound uncomfortably. Just as Zhou Mi was about to stand up and make an excuse to leave the room, however, Kyuhyun turned and thrust his controls into Zhou Mi’s hands. “Here, play the next round, I need to use the washroom. And you’d better not kill off my player before I get back or I’ll hide all of your stuffed Hello Kitties.”

“What, no –” Zhou Mi started, because not only did he fail at video games (despite great effort on his part) and Kyuhyun’s character would most _certainly_ be dead by the time he got back, this also completely ruined Zhou Mi’s plan to make a quick exit and get out of Heechul’s sight. Unfortunately for Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun was gone before he could finish his protest.

“What, scared of playing me, Seasoning?” Heechul cackled, voice unexpectedly close, and Zhou Mi nearly fell over. The redhead gave him a deceptively laid-back glance. “Why so jumpy?” he asked, tone amused.

“I’m just afraid I’m going to kill Kyuhyun’s player before he gets back – you know I can’t do video games, hyung,” Zhou Mi said quickly, thankful that his voice was coming out normally, at least.

“And we wouldn’t want Kyuhyun to be angry with you, do we?” Heechul smirked.

In that moment, Zhou Mi knew with a frightening certainty that Heechul knew. He didn’t know why or how – considering he’d never let a word of this slip – but somehow, Heechul had figured it out. Zhou Mi had always noticed that the redhair was more perceptive than most, and apparently, he had slipped up one time too many without even noticing it.

“Donghae!” Zhou Mi said, throwing the control into Donghae’s lap before the other man could protest. “You play against Heechul-hyung, okay? I have to go for a second.”

 

He made his way up to his and Donghae’s shared room, heart pounding. Throwing himself onto his bed, he buried his face under his covers. What was he going to do? Would Heechul tell anyone? Who would he tell? The rest of the members? His manager? Or even worse, Kyuhyun?

As he attempted to smother himself with his pillow, he was struck with another sobering thought. If Heechul could figure it out in less than a week, then who else could?

There was a sharp knock on his door before he could work himself into further panic, and Zhou Mi froze.

“What the hell, did you lock the door, Seasoning? Didn’t Kyungie say you guys didn’t lock doors here?” There was an impatient pause. “If you don’t open up in the next five seconds, I’m going to get Kyuhyun. And make him break this down.”

That was an utterly ridiculous thing to say, considering there was no way Kyuhyun would blindly listen to Heechul and break down doors whenever he was told to do so, but the only thing Zhou Mi's mind registered was that Heechul was threatening to get _Kyuhyun_. Immediately scrambling up, he dashed over like the devil was behind him, turning the lock and flinging the door open.

Heechul looked amused at his disheveled appearance. Shutting the door behind him as he walked in, the redhead decisively sat himself down on Donghae’s bed. “So. When are you going to tell him?”

“Tell who?” Zhou Mi asked, trying to keep his voice from trembling.

Heechul rolled his eyes. “Oh _please_ , don’t pretend you’re stupid when I know you’re not. Kyuhyun, of course. When are you going to tell him you like him?”

It was the first time anyone had voiced it like that – Zhou Mi had never even said it out loud to himself – and he had the sudden urge to run forward and cover Heechul’s mouth. _What if Kyuhyun’s standing outside the door?_ that pesky, paranoid voice in his head asked him, and he determinedly pushed it back. “I," he started, then stopped, not knowing what to say. "How did you know,” he asked instead in a small voice.

“Because unlike everyone else who seems to be living here, I’m actually not blind,” Heechul said, rolling his eyes. “It’s kind of obvious, okay? You’re always looking at him, asking his opinion, turning to him even when there’s no reason to.”

Zhou Mi stared down at his hands. His knuckles were white.

Heechul sighed. “Look, don’t be such a girl, Seasoning. You only live life once. Just tell him – what do you have to lose?”

Zhou Mi looked up in disbelief at that. How could Heechul even ask a question like that? “Everyone would hate me,” he said.

“If by everyone, you mean the members, then you’re deluded.” Heechul shook his head. “I know Siwon and Donghae and whatnot are religious people, and I’m not saying they’ll be perfectly okay with it – but give them some credit, okay? They’ve known you for a while, and you’re with each other twenty-four seven – they _know_ by now that you’re not the spawn of the devil or something no matter who you end up liking. As for the fangirls? Sure, some of them will have problems with it – but who cares about that? It’s your life, screw what they think.” Heechul sighed. “Actually, you know what? I’m pretty sure a lot of them will actually be jumping for joy.” He waved away Zhou Mi’s look of disbelief. “What, do you not follow the fan sites or something? Do you know how many people are rooting for Qmi? It’s almost rivaling Hanchul.”

Zhou Mi’s jaw was on the floor.

Heechul nodded at his shock. “I know right, it’s ridiculous – clearly Hanchul is superior. Are people deluded or something?”

“Hyung,” Zhou Mi said weakly, at a loss for words. Heechul had somehow taken all his worries from the last few months and made them seem so simple. Which wasn't to say the world worked exactly as Heechul had described it, but regardless.

“Trust me Seasoning, things wouldn’t be as horrible as you’re making it out to be.” Heechul said airily, flicking his hair back. “I said so, didn’t I? And we know I’m always right.”

Zhou Mi gave a hesitant smile.

However inaccurate he thought Heechul's reassurances were, he had to admit that he was feeling much better than he had in a long time. At least there was one person in the world who knew and didn't begrudge him for it. “Thanks hyung.”

“Now hurry up and stop sulking. I’m going back downstairs so I can kick Kyuhyun’s butt in the next round. If I don’t see you in the next ten minutes, I’m going to send someone up to drag you down.”

“Yes hyung,” Zhou Mi said dutifully. He bit back his smile as Heechul flounced out of the room.

He was really glad Heechul had come to visit, he decided.

 

4.

Kyuhyun's father was sick.

The news came by phone, and they didn't know if it was serious or not, but Zhou Mi could only watch as Kyuhyun's face grew paler and paler by the second. Everyone knew that there was no way for Kyuhyun to return to Korea right now - not when an album was ready to be released and promoted - and for a second, Zhou Mi hated whoever had decided to call Kyuhyun at all. He knew that it was awful of him to think such a thing, that Kyuhyun deserved to know what was going on with his family - but the information was doing nothing more than torture Kyuhyun when they all knew that there was nothing the other could do to help.

 

That night, Donghae quietly slipped out of their room after shooting Zhou Mi a look. A few minutes later, Kyuhyun came in. His face was expressionless, but Zhou Mi knew Kyuhyun well enough by now to interpret the angle of his slouch and the look in his eyes.

Heart lurching at the sight, he hesitantly reached forward before throwing caution to the wind and pulling Kyuhyun close. For once, Kyuhyun didn’t protest, just going limp and letting himself be held.

The younger man's body felt warm against his own, and Zhou Mi had never hated himself more for the low, helpless burn in the pit of his stomach.

 

5.

They won their first award for _Super Girl_ two months after it’s release, and the night was spent in celebration. They couldn’t leave the dorm without being mobbed by fangirls, but their manager brought in food and the alcohol stash was brought out.

Zhou Mi stood out on the balcony, hidden in the near-darkness. It was drizzling, just a little, and the wind felt cold against his skin. He knew that if Han Geng noticed him, he would get berated for being stupid enough to be outside in this weather without even a jacket on, but Han Geng was too busy laughing and celebrating to notice him right now. Zhou Mi actually preferred it this way – he needed a little time to clear his head right now.

His breath came out as fog, lingering for just a second before disappearing into the sky like cigarette smoke.

 

The balcony door suddenly opened behind him, and Zhou Mi found his own jacket dumped into his arms.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, pulling it on.

Kyuhyun glared at him. “Hurry up and get inside. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“I’ll be there in just a second,” Zhou Mi said. “You go back in.”

“No, I’ll wait with you,” Kyuhyun said stubbornly, and Zhou Mi bit back his smile at the irritation in the younger man's voice. “What are you even doing out here? It’s freezing.”

“Thinking.”

“What can you think about out here that you can’t think about inside anyway?” Kyuhyun abruptly leaned over, stuffing his hands into Zhou Mi’s jacket pockets before Zhou Mi could reply. “Anyway, think faster. My fingers are going to fall off.”

Zhou Mi shivered, but it had nothing to do with the cold. He could feel Kyuhyun’s body heat at his side, warming him up far more than any item of clothing could. There was a deliciously warm feeling in his chest, and his throat was suddenly paper dry.

“Zhou Mi?” Kyuhyun leaned even closer, tilting his head to look up at him. “Why aren’t you talking?”

Their faces were mere inches apart.

“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said quietly. And then he leaned forward and kissed him.

Kyuhyun’s lips were dry, probably a result of never using any of the lip balms the stylists were continually throwing their way. Zhou Mi brushed his tongue tentatively against the slightly chapped lips, almost a question – and then Kyuhyun was kissing him back.

It was far from perfect. Kyuhyun tasted slightly like the beer they'd been drinking earlier, and his arms were wrapped around Zhou Mi’s neck, his fingers icy against the Zhou Mi’s skin. It was a slightly awkward fit, all bumping noses and grasping hands - and it was better than anything Zhou Mi had ever imagined.

And then, just as abruptly, Kyuhyun wrenched himself back, something like horror rising in his eyes as he looked at Zhou Mi.

For a second, Zhou Mi was quiet, his mind still in a daze – but then something about Kyuhyun’s expression pulled him back to reality, and the knowledge of what he’d done hit him all at once with the force of a brick wall. What had he done?

Zhou Mi didn’t know what to say. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to do that,” he babbled, words coming out his mouth without his consent. “I. Really. I just - I never should have done that, I’m so sorry, Kui Xian, I –”

The rest of his words were cut off as Kyuhyun pulled open the balcony door and just about launched himself back into the apartment. Everyone else looked up at the noise, but Kyuhyun didn't even pause as he strode upstairs without a word. The glass door slid shut again behind him, leaving Zhou Mi alone with his mantra of _I’m sorry_.


	3. Chapter 3

Han Geng came to get him later.

It might have been minutes or a hours, Zhou Mi wasn’t sure. All he knew was that by the time he was back in the apartment, he’d lost feeling in his fingers.

“How can you be so stupid?” Han Geng asked, leading him into the washroom and pulling his hands under the tap. The warm water scalded his skin. “I don’t know what you two argued about this time, but it’s always like this whenever you and Kyuhyun argue. You know you’re going to make up in the next few days anyway – why do you always do this to yourself?”

“I kissed him,” Zhou Mi said, the words falling out before he could stop himself. He waited for Han Geng’s eyes to widen, for the inevitable condemnation. He wasn’t sure exactly what he expected, but what did it matter anymore? This wasn’t just another argument, no – the difference was that Kyuhyun was never going to forgive him this time.

Han Geng looked a little surprised, then looked at him questioningly. “And then? What happened?”

Zhou Mi stared at him in incomprehension. “Ge. I’m telling you I kissed _Kui Xian_ and you’re asking me what happened?”

Han Geng gave him an exasperatedly patient look. “What do you want me to say?”

Zhou Mi’s eloquent response was his blank expression.

“What did you expect, for me to yell at you?”

To be honest, that was the least of what Zhou Mi had expected – but apparently he really didn’t know Han Geng as well as he'd thought after all. “So, you're... okay with this?” he asked cautiously, not sure what was going on anymore.

Han Geng sighed. “I’m not going to lie and say that everything will be okay. Because I don’t know that – you know how things are.”

Zhou Mi’s heart sank, but Han Geng continued.

“If this gets out to the rest of the members, it might be hard for a while. But then again, it’s probably not as bad as you’re making it out to be – and you never now until you try. As long as this doesn’t get out to the media though, I think we’ll be okay.”

“Did Heechul tell you beforehand already?” Zhou Mi said weakly, heart beating again.

“Tell me? About what?”

Zhou Mi waved his hand in the air vaguely. “This. All this.”

“Wait what, he knew?” Han Geng asked, surprised. “How does he know?”

“He figured it out that one week he was here.”

“How did he figure it out in six days when I didn’t know for sure until you admitted it just now?” Han Geng sighed, sounding exasperated. “He’d never going to let me hear the end of this.”

Zhou Mi managed to give him a small smile.

 

It took him an entire three days after that to find Kyuhyun alone. It seemed as if every time he saw the younger man, Kyuhyun was surrounded by other members. Even when he went into Kyuhyun's room the other day, Zhou Mi had found Ryeowook sitting with him and Donghae sprawled out on the carpet listening to music.

When he finally _did_ find Kyuhyun by himself, the other man seemed firmly absorbed in a stack of papers. Pulling up a chair beside him, Zhou Mi sighed. “Kui Xian, can we talk?” he asked quietly.

Kyuhyun didn’t look up from what he was reading. “Sorry, but I’m kind of in the middle of something right now,” he said, voice tight.

Zhou Mi suppressed the irrational urge to reach forward and wrench the papers out of Kyuhyun’s hands – but his brain couldn't help asking what was so important that Kyuhyun wouldn’t even look at him. Instead, he reached out and put a hand on Kyuhyun’s arm. The other man tensed immediately under his touch.

“Please,” he said, ignoring the flare of hurt in his chest. “This is important.”

Kyuhyun exhaled loudly before finally dropping the papers onto the table beside him. “Yes?” he asked, looking up expectantly.

Zhou Mi felt his stomach seize up. He took in a deep breath. “I. Just wanted to explain. About the other day.”

Kyuhyun shook his head. “Really, there’s no need. You had one too many sips of alcohol – we all know how low your tolerance is – and weren’t in your right mind. Let’s just agree that it was a big mistake, nothing more, and forget about it. What else is there to say?”

Zhou Mi’s stomach dropped. For a moment, he was tempted - Kyuhyun was giving him a way out. If he agreed, then things would eventually go back to normal. But how long would he be able to keep up the pretense this time?

“Kui Xian,” he said after a long pause. “I didn’t drink that night.”

Kyuhyun stared at him. “Stop it,” he said flatly after a moment. “Stop it, take that back.”

“No,” Zhou Mi said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m not going to lie to you, Kui Xian.” He swallowed hard. “I. I’m attracted to you. I’ve known that for months. And even if I’m sorry for springing that kiss on you, I’m not going to apologize for liking you. I can’t take that back.” Another pause. “A-and you had to have known – you’ve been avoiding me all week.”

Kyuhyun stared at him.

Zhou Mi waited.

The younger man finally shook his head. “Do you even know what you’re saying right now,” he asked, no hint of inflection in his voice.

Zhou Mi flinched.

“When are you going to get it into your head, Zhou Mi? What you’re saying – it’s impossible, why won’t you get it? It’s _wrong_.”

“Why,” Zhou Mi whispered, even when he knew that he should just stay silent.

“ _Why?_ You _know_ why. What else do you want me to say?” Kyuhyun shook his head. “It wasn't meant to be this way, Zhou Mi.”

He’d already given his all – what was there to lose? “But I love you,” Zhou Mi choked out, hoping against hope (even if his mind was calling him a fool) that that would make some sort of difference.

There was bitterness in Kyuhyun’s eyes when he looked up. “I’m sorry, Zhou Mi, but just. I thought you were my friend – one of my best friends, even. Why did you have to be like this?” He laughed humourlessly, the sound tugging at Zhou Mi’s heart strings.

“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said, biting down on his lips. “Please. I – Don’t do this to me.” Not knowing what else he could say, he reached out instead, as if to put his hand on Kyuhyun’s arm, but his fingertips had barely grazed the material of Kyuhyun’s shirt when the younger man pulled away.

“Stay away from me from now on,” Kyuhyun said roughly, then turned and swept out of the room.

He’d been so eager to leave that he’d even forgotten his papers, Zhou Mi thought, his own laugh choking him.

 

Avoiding Kyuhyun was a lot easier than he'd thought – possibly because Kyuhyun was obviously avoiding him as well. Zhou Mi had taken to hiding out in his room a lot – what else was new, he thought half-bitterly, shaking his head at himself – while Kyuhyun apparently did the same. Whenever they ran into each other, Zhou Mi would feel himself freeze up, while Kyuhyun would just turn away and keep going as if he hadn’t seen Zhou Mi.

It hurt, even if Zhou Mi couldn’t quite admit it out loud.

The other members noticed, of course. Han Geng had come to talk to him immediately, having figured out what must have happened, but Zhou Mi had tiredly told him that he didn’t want to talk about it right now (or ever, for that matter, if Zhou Mi had a choice about it). Donghae and Ryeowook, with their worried gazes and probing questions, were harder to deal with, but Zhou Mi had put them off (for the time being, at any rate), claiming that he just needed a little time to himself right now.

“Ge, are you and Kyuhyun fighting?” Henry had asked, and Zhou Mi had just nodded, not sure what else he could say.

Siwon chose the subtler route, popping into Zhou Mi’s room one night when everyone else was still downstairs. “Hyung,” he’d said, tone concerned but earnest. “You know I’ll always be here if you ever want to talk, right?”

Zhou Mi had given him a forced smile before sending him away, his heart clenching all the while. _What would you think of me if you knew what I’ve done?_ he wondered. He didn’t want to know how Siwon would react if he ever found out about everything.

Performances were still alright – they knew the steps and lyrics so well by now that everything had long become automatic – but interviews were the worst. There was no way to switch up their order without raising questions, and so Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were inevitably seated right next to each other. While Kyuhyun seemed to have no problems keeping up a convincing façade, Zhou Mi wasn’t quite as good an actor. Although the other members tried their best to cut in and diffuse tension as much as they could, every time they went onstage, Zhou Mi couldn’t help but feel as if their internal conflict was obvious for the world to see.

He hated it. He hated their whole group was falling apart from the inside because of his actions – his selfish, foolish actions. Even more than that, he hated that Kyuhyun wouldn’t even look at him.

If he was honest with himself, it wasn’t even about being in love. It was true that he missed Kyuhyun because he liked him, but even more than that – he missed Kyuhyun as a friend. He’d grown reliant to the younger man in the last few years, too used to having a sarcastic comment whispered in his ear to keep him from falling asleep on air and impromptu video game matches that Zhou Mi always lost.

When he finally couldn't stand it anymore, Zhou Mi took to going out instead. He knew that it wasn't a good idea, and that if he was ever recognized, their manager would never let him hear the end of it - but anything was better than the stifling atmosphere of their dorm. He didn't go far - just to the small park a couple blocks from their building. It was a quiet place - sometimes there were elderly people exercising in the morning, but no one was likely to recognize him. Despite his hectic schedule, Zhou Mi wasn't a big sleeper - he'd always been a morning person, and after what had happened with Kyuhyun, he'd taken to waking up even earlier to hide out in the park until daily schedules started.

It was on one such morning, when he was trying to finish up another song on the abandoned park bench when something - he wasn't sure what, exactly - caused him to look up. To his surprise, there wasn't anyone nearby except for an old lady who was cutting across the grass a few meters away from him. She was a tiny thing, her back hunched over as she tried to block the slight breeze with her shawl and shuffle the numerous plastic bags she was carrying at the same time. She must've been at the marketplace early to get the day's groceries, Zhou Mi thought, suddenly thinking of his own grandmother's habits.

On impulse, he stood up. "Excuse me!" he called out, raising his voice so that he would be heard. "Excuse me, but do you need any help with that?"

For a second, he thought he hadn't been heard - but then she slowed down and looked up at him. "Would you really?" she asked, her voice sounding a little raspy as she struggled with the bags again. "I'm afraid things got a little heavier than I was expecting."

"Of course," Zhou Mi, running up to pick up her bags. They were actually surprisingly heavy, even for Zhou Mi, and he wondered how she'd managed to make it this far. "Do you live close by?" And then, not wanting to scare her, he quickly added, "I can carry it for you until we get to your apartment or something and then I'll leave."

The old woman laughed, a soft croaking sound. She had unusual eyes, Zhou Mi noticed - they were so dark they were almost black. "What a nice boy you are," she said, giving him a half-smile. "If you would just help me to the other side of the park, I'll be fine after that."

"Of course," Zhou Mi agreed easily, heading in the direction she'd pointed out. He made sure to stay just a few steps ahead of her, so that she could see what he was doing.

When they reached the other side, Zhou Mi gave her a smile and handed her bags back. "There you go! Are you sure you don't need more help?"

She looked up at him instead of answering his question. "You really _are_ a good person, aren't you," she said, her eyes meeting his, and her gaze was unexpectedly piercing. "I think... for your help today, I'll throw in a wish."

Zhou Mi looked at her blankly. "What?" he asked uncertainly, wondering if this was her idea of a joke.

"A wish, my boy. Anything you want," she said, ignoring any hesitance on his part.

He definitely hadn't misheard that second time. Giving her a weak smile, he mentally wondered if she was aware of what she was saying. "You want me to make one?" he asked instead. "Anything?"

She nodded.

Well. He'd helped her with her bags already - humoring her once more wouldn't hurt. "I wish things would go back to the way it was," he said simply, the first thought that rose in his mind. "Is that good enough?"

"If you're sure that's what you want, Zhou Mi," she said, turning to go at his nod. As she did so, Zhou Mi had the oddest feeling that her eyes had changed colors - but her back was already to him as she walked down the street.

There was a sudden breeze, and Zhou Mi thought he heard the sound of talking. Looking up, he saw that the morning senior exercise group had showed up and were slowly making their way down the other side of the park. Looking down at his watch, he sighed - if he didn't want to be found gone, he'd have to head back to the dorms soon. He had a long day ahead.

By the time he looked down the street again, the old lady from earlier had disappeared.

It never occurred to him that he'd never told her his name.


	4. Chapter 4

When Zhou Mi went to bed, he was in his room in the SJM dorms, lulled to sleep by Donghae's quiet snores the next bed over.

When he woke up, he found himself in a strange room.

It was strange in that it looked nothing like the room he shared with Donghae, and yet there was something oddly familiar about his surroundings. His first thought was, predictably, _I must be dreaming_ , because what else could is possibly be? And yet he knew he’d always been more prone to dreams where everything was frustratingly vague. This time, the details of his surrounding were far too clear. He could feel the fabric of the clothing he was wearing against his skin and the stretch of the socks he’d forgotten to take off the night before around his feet, and as the minutes ticked by, it was all starting to feel too terrifyingly _real_ to be a dream.

He stood up in one swift moment, determined to figure out what was going on.

The room he was in was cramped and sparsely furnished. There was a small desk pushed up right next to the bed he was in, spanning most of the length of the room. Books were neatly stacked up on it ( _Advanced Composition_ and _Music Theory_ among other titles he could see) next to a silver laptop and a worn-looking wallet. Sitting on the side closer to the bed was a cell phone – an old model he doesn’t recognize – and a pair of reading glasses. A backpack was propped against the door, and on the floor by the bed sat a pair of outrageously yellow cow slippers.

A pair of extremely familiar-looking slippers. In fact, if he wasn’t mistaken, they looked exactly like the pair his friend had given him as a joke on his twentieth birthday.

Pushing down the odd sense of déjà vu, he turned to the other side of the room. A tiny bookshelf was in the corner, CDs and textbooks crammed into any free space. On top of the shelf was an array of photo frames. Zhou Mi squinted at the blurry figures for a second before moving closer.

As the faces came into focus, Zhou Mi froze.

His parents and grandparents smiled back at him.

 _What the hell was going on._ The initial panic he’d tried to quell came back with a vengeance, and in a flurry of movement, he grabbed the cell phone from the desk, flipping it open and once again ignoring the sense that something was disturbingly familiar. Without any conscious thought, his fingers pressed the series of digits corresponding to Kyuhyun’s number and were hovering on the “call” button when Zhou Mi stopped. Swallowing hard, he deliberately erased the digits he’d just entered before typing in Han Geng’s number instead.

 _Hello, you’ve reached Han Geng. I’m sorry, but I can’t take your call right now -_

Siwon was next, followed by Ryeowook, Donghae, even Henry, Each number yielded either a voice message or endless ringing.

Where _was_ everyone? As far as Zhou Mi could remember, they had individual photoshoots that morning and not an interview – so even if one person was busy, someone else should have been able to pick up. With no other choice, Zhou Mi swallowed his growing confusion and hesitantly dialed Kyuhyun’s number again.

It rang once, twice, three times before someone picked up.

“Yeoboseyeo?” came the familiar voice, slightly tinny through the earpiece, and Zhou Mi felt the relief flood through him.

“Kui Xian,” he breathed, not quite able to keep his voice from shaking. “It’s me. Zhou Mi.”

He knew it was an unnecessary statement on his part even as he said it, because there was no way Kyuhyun _wouldn’t_ be able to recognize his voice, but there was some odd sort of reassurance in establishing his own identity.

A pause. “Zhou Mi?”

There was something odd about the inflection of his name on Kyuhyun’s lips, but Zhou Mi disregarded it, heart still pounding as he continued, words tumbling out of his mouth like a tidal wave. “Thank god, Kui Xian, I’m so glad you’re there. I… don’t know what’s going on, but something’s wrong – I _know_ I went to sleep in my own bed last night but I woke up a few minutes ago, I don’t know where I am or how I got here and –” He made himself pause, taking in a deep breath. He thought he could make out the faint sound of Kyuhyun’s breathing. “Are the other members there with you right now? I tried calling, but no one was picking up. Where’s Geng?”

There was no immediate reply, and Zhou Mi wondered if the call had been cut of. “Kui Xian? Hello? Are you still there?”

“Um, hi,” came Kyuhyun’s voice after another beat, slightly hesitant. “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” He sounded puzzled, and his voice was off somehow - _polite_ , Zhou Mi realized suddenly, the way Kyuhyun was when he ran into reporters or SM Entertainment executives or strangers. Zhou Mi hadn’t heard it directed at him since the days when they’d first met.

“Kui Xian? Why are you taking like that?” The panic was back. “Stop joking around, okay? I’m being serious here. Is there anyone else with you right now?”

There was another long silence.

“I’m sorry, but I have no idea who I’m talking to. Who are you?”

Zhou Mi dropped the phone.

 

~

 

He realized soon enough that no, he wasn't in some stranger's room where the stranger in question had randomly decided to put up photos of Zhou Mi's family members. The roomfelt familiar because it _was_ familiar – it was the exact replica of the tiny apartment he used to live in when he’d first moved to Beijing from Wuhan, before Korea and SM Entertainment. Except he wasn’t sure “replica” was the right word to use – that implied a reproduction or a copy, whereas Zhou Mi had the most unsettling feeling that he actually _was_ in his old apartment. A look out the kitchen windows had proven him correct: the locksmith’s tiny stand was exactly where he remembered it to be, across the street and next to the noodle house run by the middle-aged lady who used to give him extras whenever he’d eaten there.

It almost felt like he’d somehow stepped back five years in time, except the towering skyscrapers a block down from the noodle house certainly wasn’t something he remembered being there before. And skyscrapers certainly didn’t build themselves overnight.

Zhou Mi had no idea what on earth was going on. Either Kyuhyun was playing some practical joke of epic proportions on him – which seemed a little _too_ farfetched, all things considered – or something was seriously wrong.

Running back into the room he’d woken up in, he plugged in the cable by the desk and turned on the laptop.

 

~

 

Super Junior M debuted on April 8th, 2009 as Super Junior's third subgroup. There were six members: Han Geng, Siwon, Ryeowook, Donghae, Kyuhyun, and Henry. They were the first international group to have members of both Chinese and Korean descent, and although there was controversy in the beginning regarding Henry being a new member, the other members had been quick to show their support. Before long, Henry's charm and talent had won everyone over. The group had rapidly risen to popularity and had gone home with most of Asia's newcomer awards that year. They'd just released their first mini-album a few months back, and their fanbase was as strong as ever.

It had taken Zhou Mi a quick trip to baidu to learn all this. The next few hours had been spent visiting fansites for every scrap of detailed information he could find.

He’d tried to visit his own baidu page, along with that Qmi site he’d always affectionately followed in his free time, but both had only led to messages stating that the pages he was looking for could not be found.

It was this more than anything else that convinced Zhou Mi that something was wrong. No one would have been capable of pulling off a prank this elaborate – no one would have gone this far.

But what _exactly_ had gone wrong? Zhou Mi mentally recounted his facts. When he’d gone to bed last night, everything had been fine. He’d fallen asleep in his own bed in the right room in the right dorm – and had woken up this morning to discover that not only was he halfway across the city, Kyuhyun (and possibly the entire world) apparently had no recollection of him.

He sat back down on the bed, breath coming out in a heavy _whoosh_ as he stared at his hands. No matter how he thought about this, the entire situation just made no sense. People didn’t just miraculously teleport around the city. Boybands didn’t just forget they had another member.

There seemed to be no logical course of action (and of course not, Zhou Mi thought half hysterically – why would it ever occur to him to prepare for a situation like this?) but even so. He needed some kind of confirmation that he wasn’t just going crazy.

He had to be sure.

 

~

 

Super Junior M lived in an apartment near the outskirts of Beijing, away from the busiest streets and central tourist spots. It gave them _some_ semblance of privacy, at least. It had never really bothered the members that they were farther away from the heart of the city - it wasn't like any of them could go out anyway - but for Zhou Mi, who now had to take public transportation all the way there, it took the better half of the morning.

By the time he’d woven through the crowd of fangirls camped near the building and punched in the access code to unlock the front door (that seemed to have stayed the same, at least), it was already nearing eleven o’clock. Zhou Mi was on his way to the elevator when he was stopped by the security guard.

For a second, his heart leapt - _he recognizes me,_ he thought, a sudden hope flaring in his chest – but that quickly died as he realized that in all the times Super Junior M had lived here, not once had the guard actually approached them, opting to sit in his makeshift “office” and smile his greetings.

His fears were confirmed when the guard looked at him, no flicker of recognition in his eyes. “Who are you, and how did you get in,” the man asked gruffly, his stern expression brooking no room for excuses. Zhou Mi had always thought the security guard was rather unsuited for his job with his kindly appearance and rounder figure, but with the image he was presented with now, he could see why the man had been hired.

“I’m here to visit Super Junior M,” Zhou Mi said, stuttering out the first thought that crossed his mind and internally berating himself for not having thought up a more plausible explanation earlier.

The guard looked at him carefully. “Do they know you’re coming?”

“Um. I don’t think they do, but Kyuhyun gave me the access code a while ago. I was going to call but I forgot.” Zhou Mi tried to look convincingly sheepish while his mind raced to doublecheck that the information he was spewing out made sense.

“And you’re … Kyuhyun’s friend?”

Zhou Mi was about to nod when something warning bells went off in his head, and he caught himself just in time. Super Junior M could hardly leave the dorms, with fangirls hounding them at every opportunity. It made no sense to say he was Kyuhyun’s friend, simply because Kyuhyun hadn’t had _time_ to make friends in Beijing. “Oh no,” he said quickly, realizing from the narrowing of the guard’s eyes that he’d taken longer than he should have in replying. “I’m Han Geng’s friend – I met the rest of the members through him.”

The guard scrutinized him for a moment longer before finally letting him go. Making his way into the elevator, Zhou Mi gave a large exhale of relief before pressing the button to close the door.

 

A soft _ding_ signaled that he’d reached the tenth floor. Zhou Mi took a left turn, heartbeat quickening as he approached the familiar-looking door at the end of the hall. As he lifted a hand to knock, he suddenly realized that it was highly unlike that anyone would even be _in_ the dorms at this time.

A few knocks indicated that his guess had been correct.

Throat dry, he turned to the high-security keypad installed on the side of the door. Praying that the room code too had stayed the same, he punched in the familiar 12-digit number and turned the handle with baited breath.

The lock opened with a soft click.

 

At first glance, things were more or less as Zhou Mi remembered it, with minor changes here and there. The photo he’d hung up by the living room was no longer there, as were the half-finished lyrics he’d left stacked on the coffee table, but Donghae’s shoes were still littered hazardously by the doorway and the fridge remained covered in Ryeowook’s colorful post-it notes. Video game consoles were precariously placed onto a chair, and Zhou Mi found himself moving them onto the table automatically – Kyuhyun would never let them hear the end of it if someone accidentally sat on them.

He was looking through the individual rooms, noting the way roomates had changed when the sound of keys in the lock froze him in his steps. The sound of familiar chattering and laughter was unmistakable. For a second, Zhou Mi wondered if it would be a good idea to try and actually hide. Frantically looking around the rooms and coming up with either behind the couch or in one of the closets, he shook his head – the former would be too obvious, and he would never be able to sneak out of the dorms unnoticed if he went with the latter. Taking a deep breath, he waited instead.

And then the next moment, the door opened and six boys spilled into the room, still talking, the sounds of Chinese and Korean mixing into one big jumble. Zhou Mi stood there, feeling as if his limbs had been paralyzed as he took in Han Geng and Siwon and Henry and Ryeowook and _Kyuhyun_ , whose arm was thrown casually around Donghae’s shoulder.

As if feeling his gaze, Kyuhyun suddenly looked up. His eyes widened momentarily in surprise as he took in the sight of Zhou Mi standing in the middle of the living room before narrowing. “Hyung,” he said loudly, voice cutting across the talking and grabbing everyone's attention. Any sign of the amusement that had been in his expression just seconds ago had disappeared. “I think we have a visitor.”


End file.
